It’s safe to say I have been on plenty of cruise ships in very little time. It was just three years ago when I boarded my first ever cruise and I have since had the pleasure of travelling onboard 13 other ships! In this time, I have observed certain things about my fellow cruise-goers. Some like to get involved in everything that’s happening on the ship; others tend to almost hide away in their cabins. I have come up with seven different types of cruisers. So, which one are you?
The Activity Addict
These are those passengers on top deck at 6:00am ready to join the Pilates class before it’s even light! Their preparation begins the night before when they avidly read the daily news-sheet from cover to cover…several times. They mark out the next day’s activities with a highlighter pen and put an alarm on their phones so that they don’t miss the start of any of the events. They are first in the queue for the water slides and are permanently strapped in to go up the rock wall! They even know the Cruise Director by name within hours of getting on the ship. These cruisers are quite harmless as long as they receive constant stimulation!
The Excursion Expert
Lets be honest, we have all met one of these! They have been absolutely everywhere, done everything and are full of warnings about what to look out for at the next port of call. If you dare to mention that you are looking forward to one of the destinations on the cruise they will give you a verbal guided tour of the place. Including the evils of pickpockets, poisoned water and mosquito-infested busses! Yes they have zip-lined in St Kitts, gondola-ed in Venice and wrestled with sharks in Sydney harbour. These cruisers should be approached with care and a large dose of skepticism.
The Buffet Beast…who looked at me?
These creatures are commonly seen on a cruise ship. They browse the buffet from early morning till late at night claiming that they are just “having a quick snack” before lunch/dinner. They have mastered the art of plate balancing and often don’t require cutlery as they are adept at sweeping up morsels of food whilst still moving. They are often oblivious to other ship features, such as the gym, and they can be dangerous and move fast if there is only one portion of crème brulee remaining. These cruisers are easy to spot due to their size and as long as they are eating they are perfectly content.
The Kareoke Queen/King
These delightful (if noisy) beings are not easy to spot during daylight hours but after dark they can be found first in the theatre, then the cabaret lounges and finally (when fully lubricated) in the karaoke disco. Here they give free range to their vocal expressions from Abba to Jess Glynne. My own father channeled the Bee Gees during a karaoke session on MSC Splendida so I know what it is like to be related to a KK with the obvious embarrassment that can entail. In the morning they return to their more quiet personas and often have no recollection of the previous evening’s activities. These cruisers can be in denial so it is best to not mention any karaoke exploits nor film them as proof to disbelieving relations on land.
The Cruise Connoisseur
What can one say about these highly strung thoroughbreds of the cruise world – that they won’t tell you themselves loudly…anywhere…whether you want to know it or not? These fortunate people have been on every ship that ever sailed and have a vast knowledge of the best places to eat, the most advantageous seats to sit in at the theatre and a sure fire way to get served first at the bar. They tend to click their fingers at waiters and tut at almost everything else. Nothing is quite as good as when they had the owner’s suite going transatlantic. When in the company of these cruisers remember to breathe deeply and not point out “first world problems”.
The Pamper Prince/Princess
Ah these delicate creatures are often not aware that they are on a cruise ship at all. They spend all their time being scrubbed, shaved, squeezed, buffered, massaged, polished, pummeled, painted and crimped. They literally change appearance from one day to the next and have a tendency to squeak when they move. Some have difficulty talking and/or smiling due to certain procedures requiring time to wear off. Often they can be detected by smell at some distance. If you manage to recognise one of these cruisers be sure to compliment them. They didn’t go through all that not to be admired.
The Sunbed Sloth
I must confess that I can relate to these cruisers and am probably one myself. They scour the ship for the best sun lounger – facing the right direction, near enough to the pool, acceptable amount of space from other people – and then they take up residence, for a fortnight. If you watch very carefully you may see them move, to lift a drink or open a book, but generally they just lie about. They do run the risk of overheating in warm climates so may go into water to cool down. Good natured and happy, these cruisers are too relaxed to cause any trouble – unless you try to encroach on their bed territory.
So..who are you?